Loners often get a bum rap. Accused of being anti-social and conceited it’s easy enough for them to retreat even further into their own little world. Some retreat into a lonely place feeling misunderstood, twirling around in a downward spiral like a whirlpool in the middle of the ocean. Others retreat into a different place- a solidarity of heart and soul that, unlike the whirlpool, lifts their being above the fray. Then there are the loners who are stuck somewhere in between those opposite ends. With a toe dipped in each pool, they tip this way and that dancing on the edges of disaster and bliss.
I am a loner type and used to profess that “I could be a happy hermit!”. I even believed myself when I said it. That’s because I’ve always been more of a loner with the solidarity vibe going on. I never retreated out of pain and suffering or self esteem issues. I retreated on purpose because much of what I saw in the world, even at a young age, just didn’t make sense. Why fight it- just retreat.
I have, however, felt the pull of that lonely spiral at times- tugging and whispering in my mind to “Come join us down here, the lonely, the downtrodden. We will embrace you…”. It is a powerful force. It is a force that can bust through walls and steal you like a thief in the night. Luckily, I have always been able to escape it’s icy clutches no matter how warm and cozy it pretends to be. Some call that evil. I do not. I call it easy. And like the old saying goes… if it’s easy it ain’t worth doin’.
That’s right, I’m exorcising a demon here by exercising my spirit. I could still be a happy little hermit, but I do get oh so tired of myself. I’ve learned about all I could teach myself, I think. I still, after all these years, have an inquisitive mind. I want to know more and the only way I can find out is to stick my neck out here.
Things still don’t make sense, but in an entirely different way than when I was younger. Perception is nine tenths of the natural law :^)